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Monday, November 24, 2008

Curmudgeon's Guide To Travel

After just completing umphteen drives across the country I have made many observations. Some of these observations were made as a much younger man, while some are recent. The recent ones may be tainted by advancing age, and a certain lack of tolerance, patience, and understanding. You may wish to consider the following as mere observations, suggestions, or rules. That's up to you. For me they have become RULES!

1. Always check out a motel in the light of day, cause they are all really scary after dark.
2. Never check into a motel that has bars and bullet proof glass around the checkin desk.
3. Do not check into a motel that has truck parking next to the building. There will always be at least one truck that is left running all night.
4. Sorry folks, but avoid "pet friendly" motels. There are too many ill trained pet owners as well as ill trained pets.
5. For that matter, avoid "kid friendly" motels! But since that's not possible, stay away from ones that offer free Mexican Hat Dance Lessons in the rooms above yours; and races in the halls.
6. When traveling, never make eye contact with anyone over 70, unless you're prepared to talk at length about where you are from, where you're going, and the price gasoline.

Please feel free to add a comment with additional travel tips!


Holee said...

1. Never check into a motel that has hourly rates.

2. Never use your AARP card or the rate will go up first. Don't try fooling them by getting the rate first or you'll end up next to the room with hourly rates.

3. Don't check into a motel that hands you a can of raid and a swatter with the key.

4. Don't check into a casino hotel unless you took lots of no-doze and plan on staying up your entire stay.

5. Avoid motels that advertise a family plan. Out west that could mean "several families" to a room.

Glad to see you posting and ready to longarm!

Tom H said...

Holee! I knew I could count of you. Those rules are great. I am a little afraid to fire this longarm machine up. Too many instructions, and you know how men are with instructions..